A tomato tornado’s the messiest kind.
It bends and it winds and it doubles in size,
As it rips the tomatoes straight off the vines,
Up through the air and into the sky.
You’ll search for cover, you’ll run and you’ll hide,
As it spits out tomatoes ten at a time.
They’ll splash on your face,
You’ll get seeds in your eyes,
But don’t fight back,
Trust me I’ve tried.
The tomato tornado will suck you inside.
It’s the stickiest, yuckiest, slimiest ride.
Tomatoes come flying from every side,
And that’s why there’s no doubt in my mind
The tomato tornado’s the messiest kind.
Under the deep dark sea
Where the mermaids sleep
Lives the most horrendous thing you’ve ever seen.
Yup that’s right,
Way way deep down where the fish don’t even live
There is a monster so profound she scares squid.
She uses sharks as toothpicks,
She puts on bright red lipstick
And lures you in with promises of kisses.
And when you get there she doesn’t kiss you
She eats you.
Swallows you up in one big bite,
Bones and everything.
And if you put up a fight
So listen to me,
Listen closely to me,
If you’re diving deep, deep down in the sea
Where the fish don’t live and the mermaids sleep,
Don’t go looking for kisses ’cause she’s, well, she’s looking to eat.
The tentacle two-step is an octopus’s nightmare.
With sixteen limbs (eight are his, and eight are hers)
It’s hard to not get tangled.
So at octopus parties not one of them dances,
Not one of them wiggles or shakes,
Instead they use those limbs they’ve got
To stuff their mouths with cake.
The Rain September 29 2015, 0 Comments
When you’re feeling kind of lonely
Thinking no one knows your pain,
Remember this my friend:
An umbrella spends its life
Standing in the rain.
Captain Maggie September 29 2015, 0 Comments
Captain Maggie McGonigal—
The toughest pirate on the seven seas.
She had a peg for an eye
And a patch on her leg.
Her teeth were steel
But her heart was gold.
So she kept it hidden
But her parrot told.
Sunburn September 29 2015, 0 Comments
A caterpillar and I
Were napping in the sunshine by the water.
When we got up he’d grown wings,
And I looked like a lobster.
Treasure September 29 2015, 0 Comments
Some days you’ll follow a map with an X
And find a chest of gold.
And some days you’ll dig and dig in the sand,
And all you’ll find’s a hole.
’Cause some days the treasure ain’t under the X,
Some days the treasure ain’t gold.
Some days the treasure’s the sun in your eyes
And the story that’s yet to be told.
Weird Old Man September 29 2015, 0 Comments
I think I asked some pretty good questions
To the weird old man sitting in the tree.
“Why are you up here?
“And why’d you climb this giant tree?”
“Well you see,” he said to me,
“I didn’t climb this giant tree.
I was feeling hungry and needed to eat,
So I found an already-chewed-up apple core
And waited seven years or more.
I sat on the seed through sunlight and storms,
Through cold and warm,
And soon the tree grew under me,
And the branches spread
And sprouted leaves,
And flowers bloomed and lured the bees,
And an apple grew,
And then there were two,
And soon there were four,
And then there were more.
There were apples galore.
Now I’m up here chompin’ and swingin’ my feet,
’Cause ain’t it just a real treat
To have these juicy apples to eat.”
Trap September 29 2015, 0 Comments
If you’re out to catch some supper
And you’ve just set up your trap,
Try your best to remember . . .
Exactly where it’s at.
Wrong or Right September 29 2015, 0 Comments
If everything were black and white
The rainbow would be bland.
If everything were wrong or right
We’d probably understand.
But sometimes things are in between
And could go either way.
Like sometimes wrong things kinda seem
Like right things on the day.
So try your best to do what’s right,
But remember that you’re human.
And that sometimes even when you try,
You don’t know what you’re doin’.